An Australian “sexuality educator” has sparked heated debate online after suggesting that parents ask a baby for permission before changing their diapers.
Deanne Carson argues that a “culture of consent” should begin at birth, prompting both curiosity and confusion among online users, with one commenter asking whether it would also be necessary to get “consent from your cat to change its litter tray.”
In a world where parenting approaches continue to evolve, the topic of consent has entered unexpected conversations — including diaper changes.
Asking a baby for consent before changing a dirty diaper may sound impractical, especially since newborns and infants do not yet have the verbal ability to respond.
But Carson argues that the idea is less about receiving a formal answer and more about creating a foundation for consent and respectful boundaries from an early age.
According to Carson — who describes herself on Twitter as a “sexuality educator, speaker, and author” — a culture of consent should begin at birth. She explains that the idea focuses on emphasizing respect for a child’s body and autonomy. By narrating actions — such as, “I’m going to change your diaper now, is that okay?” — and pausing to observe body language, parents can begin introducing infants to the concept of personal agency.
Building trust and communication
The self-described expert argues that the practice is not about waiting for a verbal “yes,” but rather about encouraging a two-way form of communication between parent and child.
“Of course, a baby is not going to respond, ‘yes mum, that is awesome, I’d love to have my nappy changed,’” Carson said in an interview with Australia’s ABC network. “But if you leave a space and wait for body language and wait to make eye contact, then you are letting that child know that their response matters.”
Pediatricians and early childhood specialists often stress the importance of responding to a baby’s nonverbal signals — such as coos, smiles, or movements — as part of healthy communication. Supporters argue that incorporating consent language into diaper changes aligns with this by making babies aware, on some level, of what is happening and involving them in the interaction.
‘Left lunacy’
However, not everyone sees the approach as practical or necessary, with critics arguing that infants are simply too young to understand the concept of consent.
Rowan Dean called the idea of asking a baby’s permission before changing a diaper “lefty lunacy.”
And John Rosemond wrote that Carson deserved the title of “the Weird and Even Weirder for the Most Bizarre Idea of All Time.”
“Once upon a time, and not all that long ago, a person who proposed that parents should ask infants for consent to change their diapers would be regarded by everyone except herself as deranged,” Rosemond wrote. “In this paradoxical fashion, Carson’s ‘culture of consent’ instead becomes a family culture of confusion, mistrust, denial, and overall dysfunction.”
Online, Carson’s comments triggered a wave of reactions, with many social media users mocking the idea and questioning her credentials.
“Pretty sure when a baby is crying due to the discomfort of a full diaper… that’s consent. In fact, I would go further and call it a demand,” one user wrote.
A second said, “A self-proclaimed ‘expert’ wants parents to ask permission before changing their child’s diaper. This tells me she has no experience with kids whatsoever.”
A third user responding to a clip on X wrote: “Do you need to get consent from your cat to change its litter tray? No. If it stinks, change it. Same with a baby. If they wee or poop, just change it!!!” Another added: “Leaving a child in a dirty diaper is legally recognized as child abuse. Does this person believe in child abuse?”
Some people, however, defended Carson and said her intentions seemed positive, even if they disagreed with the example she used.
One user wrote, “I’m seriously shocked by the negative response you got… babies and toddlers learn to communicate long before they can speak. Thank you for tolerating the trolls and creating dialogue around this. Even if you’re wrong, what possible harm is there in showing respect?”
Another commented, “I think she wants to encourage a conversation about consent among kids but has made a mockery of it by taking the idea to an extreme. Babies can’t consent to anything. Ever. They’re babies. Their safety and survival needs are assumed.”
A third added, “I agree with Deanne Carson. It’s easy to talk with your baby and create a culture of consent at home.”
While the discussion continues, many people agree there is value in being mindful and communicative with infants, even if the conversation is not strictly about consent.
Ultimately, the choice to “ask” for consent may come down to individual parenting styles and comfort levels. For some, it is another way to build a respectful and loving relationship with their children; for others, engaging, observing, and responding to a baby’s needs may feel sufficient.
What are your thoughts on Carson’s suggestion that parents ask babies for permission before changing diapers? Share your thoughts and join the conversation.
